Interview with kinkster Coyote
“I’m often happiest when tied up and left for a while to just ‘be'”
published on 16 August 2020
Hello Coyote, nice to have you here for this interview. What does fetish mean to you? Can you describe what effects it has on you, and how you feel, when you live out your fetish?
Asking what fetish means to me is like asking what breathing means – I can’t imagine my life without it, and it’s deeply entwined with my core identity and emotions. There’s a quote I often come back to: “a willingness to descend into the psyche and accept the nourishing dark”.
Which fetishes do you have?
It’s hard to list them as separate things, as they’re all wrapped up together in the emotion of a connection with another person. The fetishes might change, or I might willingly do things I wouldn’t normally consider myself interested in. But, essentially, anything around a Dom/sub dynamic. My sub nature is more that of a slave, which means I gain my pleasure from serving a Dom. I enjoy pain, physical punishment, bondage, shibari, watersports, with any of the above accompanied with leather, rubber, or bare skin.
Can you describe situations and how you felt, when you discovered your fetish for the first time?
I knew I was kinky long before I knew I was gay, or even before I understood that kink was a sexual thing. As a child (from around 8 years old) I used to enjoy the feeling I got from tying myself up, with handkerchiefs, belts, etc. In books and films, I would always identify with the people being tied up (in cowboy films, cartoons, spy novels). And still do!
The occasion when I first practised fetish as a sexually aware adult wasn’t planned, but my mind was obviously ready for it. It started as a regular vanilla hook-up and quickly turned into a kink session, with a collar around my neck, steel ring fixed around my cock, and hands cuffed, as I kneeled and served. He had a quiet control and we understood each other with needing many words. I knew then that I had come home.
Please describe a situation when you were in bondage and how you felt during it
Bondage, and especially shibari, is a state of deep pleasure. The sensation of the ropes on the skin, the pain from a constricting tie or suspension, and the feeling of utter helplessness send me deep into subspace. Choosing to give up control to someone is an immensely powerful act, and the closest comparison I can give is that it’s like being held constantly in a secure, trusting embrace. I’m often happiest when tied up and left for a while to just “be”, rather than being distracted by additional things.
Have you as a person changed over the years while you live out your fetish?
I’ve had mild depression for around 10 years. Living my kink openly, and embracing it as part of my life, has made me so much more comfortable with myself as a person, and improved my mental health. In French they say “se sentir bien dans sa peau” – to feel well in your skin.
How is the relation of your fetish to your sexuality? Does your fetish take place, apart from the sexual level, in your everyday life?
I’m married to a man who is very vanilla, and whom I love very much. We’ve been together 10 years. He is completely understanding of my kink and acknowledges it as part of me. I also have a Master in Paris, whom I serve when time & location allow, alongside his finnish slave, who is Alpha to me. I have a very loose interpretation of “sex”, which for me doesn’t have to involve penetration of any of the strict sexual acts. A kinky play session with ropes would be sex, for me, as it stimulates my mind and body and gives me erotic pleasure.
What kind of conflicts did or do you have during your journey of fetish discovery?
Overcoming my own social shyness and crippling lack of self-confidence is a constant challenge, but one I’m learning to change. I’ve actively gathered around me a group of friends who are kinky (not necessarily always people I would “play” with) and they bring me so much joy. They’re like my second family: they help me to overcome my social anxiety, and I enjoy going to events with them.
Please describe what submission means to you
Entering into myself, reaching deep down, and being happy.
How works serving to a Dom for you, when you are tied up in bondage?
Serving doesn’t necessarily mean physically “serving”, it’s about offering up my body and mind to them. When I’m in bondage, I’m under their control. That is service, for me. Giving up control.
What does intimacy, privacy, self-expression, and exposing yourself (e.g. on Instagram) mean to you when practicing your fetish?
Social media is a double-edged sword. Photographs that look good are just one second of a much longer moment. In that moment you may have been unhappy about how you felt, or looked, you may have felt like a failure. But we enjoy sharing photos where we look good! I sometimes try to include a description of the emotion behind a photo to give it more depth and be less superficial.
What’s your favourite kinky noise?
The sound of my Master’s voice quietly and calmingly letting me know He’s in control and will take care of me.
Coyote, thanks for this interview!
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