Interview with kinkster Dreamer95
“Being myself with no shame and screaming it out loud”
published on 6 September 2020
Hello Michel, nice to have you here for this interview. What does fetish mean to you?
To me fetish means living my sexual fantasies to the full instead of repressing what makes me feel good and ending up unaccomplished. I strongly believe that everyone has the right to live their lives however they prefer, listening to their inner desires without being judged for who they are. And this is what fetish represents to me. Being myself with no shame and screaming it out loud.
The reason behind my nickname, Dreamer95, is that I define myself as a dreamer. Nowadays we are often discouraged from pursuing our dreams, because dreaming is associated with not having concrete objectives and losing sight of reality. But I disagree. We can have dreams still being realistic. We should all nourish our dreams and fight for them to become true, regardless of what people or circumstances say. Dreams are what make us alive.
I agree. It is similar, to what the german director Werner Herzog said: Dreams “might be the inner chronicle of what we are. We have to articulate ourselves, otherwise we would be cows in the field.”
What means intimacy, privacy and self-expression for you when you are practicing your fetish?
Intimacy, privacy and self-expression are the words that best describe my vision of fetish.
Fetish is intimacy because what I quest is complicity, a deep connection, a spark. It is about the feelings that we share and experience together.
Fetish is privacy because I do not approach it as a lifestyle but as related to my sexual life, and I want to keep my sexual life private. For instance, when I get tied up in public I never do anything sexual for it would make me feel uncomfortable. Even on my social media I am not accustomed to posting too revealing content, and if there is nudity involved I censor it.
Fetish is self-expression because it is a way of expressing myself without the fear of being judged or discriminated.
Which personal fetishes do you have?
My primary fetish is bondage, and with bondage I do not necessarily mean rope bondage, but more generally being restrained with any tool that might be used for that purpose (ropes, cuffs, duct tape, straightjackets, etc.). Bondage does not have to be comfortable, but rather efficient, making unable to move and speak. Heavy gags and tight restraints is what I look for. To me bondage is all about intimacy and trust, it is about knowing that we can rely on each other and no boundaries will be crossed.
As for gear, I am into leather and rubber, and even better if they are matched with bondage! Having to choose one, I would probably go for leather because I adore its smell, cracking and softness. However, why choose? I could not resist an adherent and shiny catsuit!
In terms of roles, I am both dom and sub depending on the person and situation.
Can you describe situations when you discovered your fetish for the first time?
I started discovering fetish in my early age, watching princes being kidnapped in Disney cartoons or guys getting taped up in American movies… and this is probably where my passion for duct tape originated.
And what about leather? I have always drooled over the image of the kidnapper wearing leather jacket and gloves, ready to handgag their victims and chloroform them.
Can you describe your own kink development?
My fetish path began at the age of eleven and incurred its most significant challenges mainly within my family.
When I was eleven I was gifted my first computer, which allowed me to look for fetish content online. What I was not aware of was that my researches were being saved in the Internet history, and one day my parents found them out. I felt awful because they did not understand me and I did not understand myself either, provided that I was really young and just at the beginning of exploring my kinky side. Subsequent to that episode, I convinced myself that there was something wrong with me. I tried to repress my instincts, but it was only a matter of time before they resurfaced.
Many years later I was studying at the university and had come out of the closet. That was the moment when fetish became discussion topic with my parents again. My computer was mistakenly connected to the television in the living room (unlucky me!), revealing to my parents that I had not abandoned what they thought it was a phase. But I was not eleven anymore. I had grown up and acquired confidence and self-consciousness, so we sat down and had an open conversation. I explained to them that everyone has their own sexual fantasies and I was not any different from anybody else. How many people like bondage? Plenty. Bondage is an extremely common kink, but fetish is a stigma in our society and no one talks about it. This time my parents showed comprehension, probably because they saw that I knew what I was saying, and simply asked me to be careful.
I am not going to lie. I would have preferred to keep fetish private and not share it with my parents. Fetish is mainly sexual to me and who would want their parents to know what they do in bed? But this is how it went and I am happy that I found support. Today I even post photos in gear in my non-kinky social accounts and my mom is always the first one to leave a comment!
Does your fetish take place, apart from the sexual level, in your everyday-life?
Fetish is mostly part of my sexual life and I am not used to wearing gear to go out, unless I have to attend a fetish event. My everyday style is elegant. Shirts, trousers, laced-ups… I could never renounce them. It is funny how the majority of people would not suppose that I am kinky, and then they see me in gear on Facebook or Instagram and cannot believe it. I vividly remember when I posted a photo in gear for the first time. It was a scandal!
Can you explain which roles power and weakness have in your own fetish concept?
In my opinion power and submission are intertwined concepts, both based on trust. You may be a master, but this does not make you everyone’s master. And vice versa you may be a slave, but this does not make you everyone’s slave. Who has the power? It is a matter of connection and consensus, so that if you are someone’s master it is because your slave trusts you and has decided to entrust him/herself to you.
How have you as a person changed over the years while living out your fetish?
After the family drama I have changed in the terms that I am now completely open to talk about fetish, both with friends and relatives. I do not care about what other people have to say and I fight against opinionated behaviors.
Michel, thanks for this interview!
Audio podcast of this text
Audio: Interview with Kinkster Dreamer95 – “Being myself with no shame and screaming it out loud” – Kinky Flamingo Blog
(What you here are not the voices of the interviewed person, nor the interviewer)
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