Interview with kinkster Kinksteire
“Fetish to me means living your life without caring about what other people think”
published on 08 November 2020
Hello Chris, nice to meet you for this interview. Please tell us: what does fetish mean to you personally?
Fetish to me means living your life without caring about what other people think. It makes me feel confident and sexy. It’s like I can take on the world. It can be comforting, especially after a long stressful day. I also of course find fetish appealing and very sexual. Outside of fetish I’m a bit more reserved but not too much. It’s also fun to know that when I walk down the street, no one knows I’m kinky, like it’s my dirty little secret but I’m not ashamed of it. Fetish / Kink allows me to be who I am.
Which fetishes do you have?
So my fetishes would include but are not limited to, rubber, leather, bondage, roleplay, power struggle, light impact play etc. I recently have had this fascination with piss play but I haven’t dived in as of yet. Pardon the pun, I haven’t dipped my toes into the water haha.
When you think back: Can you remember situations, when you discovered your fetish for the first time?
I first started to notice I had a fetish was when I was a teenager, so around puberty. I always got turned on by men tied up on TV shows and men in leather jackets. I just found those things as being extremely sexy. Also growing up in the age of the internet, I discovered porn. Sites like BoundJocks, Bound Gods, Bondage Jeopardy etc really opened my mind to the world of fetish.
I first acted upon my fetish when I went to college. I was chatting to a dom on Recon and he asked me to come over to his house when I moved to the city. One Tuesday night, I went over to his, he tied me up and the rest is history. Also I have a few friends who let me try on their rubber or leather just to see how it feels and I’ve never looked back.
Did you as a person change over the years while living out your fetish?
I did change, yes. I grew up in a small rural Catholic area in Ireland and fetish…and even sexuality was never talked about positivity. It was always seen as something to be ashamed of…or as a sin. That kind of mentality and mindset had detrimental effects on me as a teenager. I was very shy and secluded for many years. Fetish was always seen as something weird or scandalous and should never be acted upon. When I went to college and started to live my life and get into fetish, I became more confident and more sure of who I was. And Ireland as a country has changed. Due to the popularity of social media, people became more accepting of sexuality and fetishes. Of course there are some people who would cringe or be freaked out of a man being tied up while dressed in rubber but it’s only a small number at this stage I believe. Ireland today is so different to Ireland 10 years ago. I also stopped caring about what people think of me. As I got older I started to realise that I live my own life and I shouldn’t allow other people’s thoughts or opinions dictate the way that I live.
How is the relation of your fetish to your sexuality?
Fetish does play a part in my sexuality small bit. It’s widely known that there is a huge community of gay or bi men that are kinky. Obviously I would meet people who had a similar fetish as me on apps like Recon or Grindr. A lot of people that I met throughout my life assume just because I’m gay, I have to be kinky too. While in my case yes it’s true but it’s not the case for a lot of people out there. Over the years I have met so many lads that just want to fuck and don’t have a specific fetish or kink and that’s perfectly ok. For me, my sexuality and my fetishes are intertwined sometimes. There are times that I just want to have vanilla sex and other times I want to be strung up in a dungeon. There’s a good balance.
Does your fetish take place, apart from the sexual level, in your everyday life?
I tend to keep things separate. Like for me fetish, especially putting on rubber, can be a lot of effort. You have to talc it or lube it, then you have to shine it and then you take it off and wash it. Sometimes I just want to wear a hoodie and jeans haha. There are some days where I will just lounge around in rubber but it’s not often. I also do wear rubber outside sometimes but it’s under normal clothing.
What kind of conflicts did or do you have during your journey through your fetish discovery?
My fetish journey, like many peoples‘, has been complicated but it’s also been good. I have met a lot of amazing people online and in person. But I also have had some bad experiences as well. I was raped when I was 19 when I went to a dom’s place. In the middle of the session, I didn’t feel comfortable and wanted it to stop, but they continued, so that would be the worst experience. I’ve also had people call me fat or huge on apps before. Nobody wants to hear that, my body issues and eating disorders were getting quite bad at that point. I understand that people have a certain body type they are interested in, but there is a kinder way of letting someone down. For example, a good response would be Hey, thanks for the message, you’re not really my type but don’t take it personally, have a great day rather than I don’t fuck chubby guys. Kindness does not take a lot of effort.
When you think of the community in general: what are the biggest problems within the kink community from your point of view?
The lack of body positivity and ethnic inclusivity on social media. I noticed in recent months, there were a lot of pages on Instagram that were doing these vote competitions, where they would pit two kinkstagrams against each other and let people vote who was better. I’ve noticed that they tended to only include (for the most part) lean/muscular Caucasian men. It’s not just the fetish community that has this issue, we see this a lot in models, TV, Films, media etc, where the ideal body type is seen as lean or fit and the ideal skin tone is not dark.
This is also evident in fetish websites where all the models look the same and have the same body type. I recently discovered a website that sells gear (Fetishdaddy.co.uk) and their models come in all shapes and sizes and it’s so nice to see that.
Many websites that sell rubber have issues with their sizes. In one site I might be seen as a medium and then in another, I’m seen as a large. Like when I see that, I obviously think I’m fat and I need to lose weight. Of course this is linked to my eating disorder but I don’t understand why a lot of places have these weird measurements and size guides. I mostly just get made to measure gear….it’s much easier.
Also these competitions are really stupid. No one is better or superior that someone else. We are all unique and perfect in our own way.
You talked about body issues and eating disorders in the kink community. Can you say a few more words on that?
So I was always a chubby child/ teenager. My body issues really started when I started secondary school where I was made fun of and also seeing these toned, muscular actors in porn. I always said to myself, why can’t I just look like that. Working out was never fast enough for me. So at around 16 I started to make myself sick and so began my ongoing bout with bulimia. I began to get worse and worse when I went to college and lived away from home. I started to do it more when I would be turned down on Grindr or Recon, where people would say I didn’t fit into their body type. In my mind I always thought, if I lost weight they would like me and they would like to be with me. The origins and mindset of my eating disorder is that I wanted to feel that I was wanted. Thin people in my mind had it all, they had friends, they looked happy and they were thin. I wanted to be like them. Over the years I realised that making myself sick and making myself thin will not make people like me. I have been in a loving relationship for almost four years and he has helped me realise that it doesn’t matter what you think what people may think of you…you are the only person that matters. Your opinion of yourself is the most important because in your life, you are the most important person.
My boyfriend has been amazing throughout this and he is literally the best person ever. For someone who loves you for you, it’s a beautiful feeling.
Obviously, I still have body issues and I’m still recovering from my eating disorder. I relapsed a few times in the last year but I’m proud to say that I haven’t thrown up in a few months. Everyone has issues and it’s nothing to be ashamed of. We’re all human and there is nothing wrong to seek help.
Chris, thanks so much for talking so openly in this interview!
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