Interview with kinkster Unrestrained888
“When I enact on my fetishes I feel like I am being the most honest version of myself”
published on 06 December 2020
Hello Chris, thanks for having you here for this interview. Can you remember situations when you discovered your fetish for the first time?
The earliest kink thing I can remember is my sister and her school friends tying me to a chair and then taunting me to escape… which I did. I was only about 6 or 7 yet I remember not wanting to be able to get out and feeling a little disappointed that I could. A few years later I also managed to rig my self into suspension bondage from the monkey bars, with skipping ropes, after school. Still not quite sure how I managed that nor how I justified the action in my head but I guess I was wired for bondage from birth. At that age I obviously didn’t understand why I enjoyed it so much or what I could do with it. It wasn’t sexual, just basically the best game ever.
Many people have some cultural references in their youth, through wich they entered the kink world. How about you?
I used to watch the old Batman and Robin series as well as MacGyver. In both shows the heroes would get tied up regularly and that always excited me. Especially Robin, in his ridiculously tight and exposing outfit constantly getting bound and then rescued by Batman… I mean surely someone on the production team saw what they were making right? This is probably the reason that I respond so well to men in tight black shiny gear and why I like wearing stuff that is so exposing and vulnerable.
When you became a young adult, how did your kink journey went on?
I played with some very low level kink, with a few guys in my early twenties. None of us knew what we were doing and I didn’t really find it all that satisfying. Finally after creeping around on recon for years I met up with an older guy form Melbourne. I had previously been scared of meeting up with older men, not comfortable with the age gap and the safety risks of going to a strangers house in secret. But I did and it was amazing. He invited me in and we chatted for a little while until I was comfortable then he asked me to remove my shirt. As soon as I did, I found my self hand gagged and my hands forcibly held behind my back whilst I was pushed up against the wall. Straight away I felt his dominance asserted, his confidence and myself getting hard. I was hooked, line and sinker! He tied my up in a very effective hog tie, in just my tight white briefs (as I was instructed to wear), and He blindfolded and gagged me. He added a collar and then just left me on the ground whilst He sat back and smoked and had a drink, admiring his work. Occasionally he would nudge me with a foot or touch me but mostly he just enjoyed the sight of a younger guy bound, stripped and trussed up at his feet. I felt helpless, and vulnerable and exposed. I was embarrassed about the amount of pre-cum soaking through my white briefs, the involuntary moans that kept coming out and by the whole situation but that embarrassment turned me on even more. I was at his mercy, I felt safe and I loved that he was getting off at the sight of me.
That feeling of willing submission and confidant domination has been the core of my fetish mind frame ever since. I’ve been very lucky to have had some amazing experiences since then, but that will always be my first time feeling that level of power exchange.
What kind of conflicts did you have during your fetish journey?
I guess one of the biggest internal conflicts I have had to overcome is to not shame myself for not being “normal”. Obviously I enjoy what I enjoy but on a deeper level I have always just accept that there is something wrong with me and that I am damaged goods. I guess because of this I have always sought out partners that I also subconsciously thought of as damaged. I didn’t believe that I deserved someone that is high functioning, or that I would only scare them away once they got to know me. I wouldn’t say that I have fully overcome this but I am working on it. I am no longer ashamed of my kink side. Whilst I don’t feel the need to share it with everyone, I no longer feel shame if someone else doesn’t like it, I just feel that its not for them with the same level of detachment I feel if someone asks if I’m into something thats not for me. No hate, just not for me.
As simple as this mentality is, it has taken me years to feel like this and a lot of heart ache in-between. I still struggle with the “damaged goods” package but I think a lot of people do and I try not to beat myself up over it. Everyone is on a path, there is no destination only the journey. So we’ve just got to keep walking forward.
From your current point of view: What mean kink and fetish to you?
To me, fetish is an opportunity to explore my inner fantasies in a healthy way, without limiting what experiences I am allowed to have according to “normality”.
Through kink I have developed a solid social group and discovered a global community of like minded people that I feel very fortunate to be apart of. It has allowed me to become more openminded in my understanding of peoples sexual interests and differences and far more confidant in myself both sexually and publicly.
When I enact on my fetishes I feel like I am being the most honest version of myself, where I allow myself to not be directed by social norms or common practices, but instead to just do what I truly enjoy, and expand my experiences. When at a big event, like Folsom Berlin the feeling is pure liberation, un-bridled freedom and the endless possibilities of self discovery with no judgement. I have never felt safer nor like a better version of myself then on that trip.
And of course I feel deeply sexually gratified and sexy as hell too 😉
Which kinks and fetishes do you have?
My list of interests is long, ever evolving and constantly being refined. Primarily, I am a Bondage and Domination submisive with a bit of S&M thrown in for good measure. For anyone that has seen me or my profile before, they will know I also love rubber and any tight gear for that matter. I am a bit of a voyeur and exhibitionist at times too and can’t go past the smell, creak and shine of well fitting leather. I love intense scenarios with loads of gear and lots of time to use it. I am definitely growing more into a switch roll as I get older but I am primarily a submissive. The strongest fetish that everything links back too is a power play dynamic, wether that is dom/sub or any other form is irrelevant, that exchange of power and the trust and respect that comes with it is an instant yes from me!
Did you as a person change over the years while living out your fetish, for example on how you emphasize with other people or related to abilities you need for your job?
Its hard to say how much of who I am now is because of my kinks and related experiences. I certainly believe that I have more patience, am more open minded and that I am more willing to think from somebody else’s perspective because of it. It’s hard to judge someone for making a questionable decision when I voluntarily spent an afternoon in a cage the day before. Each to their own! I am aware that a lot of what I like is confronting to others and repulsive to some.
My fetish journey has definitely increased my confidence as a person. I am by no means perfect and I would still like to improve a lot about myself both mentally and physically but this community has made me not hate this side of myself. instead I embrace it. Although I am not open to everyone about kink but now if someone has a negative or derogatory reaction I know the problem is them not me. When you actually believe that and don’t just repeat the phrase its a pretty liberating feeling. I guess I feel more enlightened (for lack of a better phrase and at the risk of sounding totally obnoxious) then other ‘less openminded’ people.
I feel that I have been quite brave (some would argue foolish) in my attempts to seek out play mates, which has developed my social skills and intuition on the character of others. As well as being willing to experience circumstances that could be extreme. I have learned how to tolerate and receive pain differently as well as restrictive, frustrating circumstances, detaching emotional reactions and experiencing the sensation as its own entity. This has led to me being able to cope much better with different levels of stress or physical discomfort in work or daily life.
Another major lesson I have learnt through this is to be more open minded and accepting of other peoples differences with out judgement as well as becoming more empathetic. I like to think from other peoples point of view a lot more now and try to understand what makes them tick!
How is the relation of your fetish to your sexuality?
I guess my sexuality comes first. I have only ever played with other Cis gay men although I have no disrespect towards any other genders. I have always been turned on by levels of social submission between men. The relationship between Father and Son, Big and Little brothers and “Alpha” males and their friends. These social constructs where one guy automatically defers to the “superior” guy has always been a trigger for me. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want to engage in sexual activity with my family but I just really have a sweet spot for the rough but tender way guys who love each other, treat each other. Play fighting and wrestling one down into submission, the way a brother says “I love you” by punching you in the shoulder with a smile… little harmless attacks done in good nature. But also the fierce protection that comes form these men when they feel there charge is in danger or being disrespected. Its a rough and tender form of love and I think all of my kink stems from that.
That dynamic is more of a turn on for me then all the gear in the world so when you bring the two together, power dynamic and bondage gear… well thats the goal I guess! haha
My sexuality, specifically in the men I am attracted to, seems to be based around this ideal. I like bigger, stronger men who I feel could dominate me and protect me, but I also like smaller guys that I feel like I could dominate, but I can also love fiercely and protect from the world.
You said you enjoy being in the sub role during play sessions. Can you describe how you feel when you are in such situations?
Being submissive, to me is really about letting go of my internal thoughts. I massively overthink all the time and I struggle to quiet the inner voices. When I am in a scene and somebody else is making all the decisions and removes my abilities like movement, sight, speech etc, it forces me to relinquish all the mental control inside. At the time I become very present and responsive to what is happening, I feel safe and protected even when getting flogged because the pain keeps the focus and the after care or tender moments keep me feeling safe. That balance is crucial though!
The longer the scene the greater my inner horniness becomes and it kinda takes over. I am not “Me”, instead I become the boy, the sex object, the toy (or what ever adjective you wish to use) and I let go of my inhibitions. I will do what is ordered with out complaint and will often go well past what I have labeled as my boundaries. Its like being on a high but with total clarity at the same time. I am very vulnerable as all my defences are lowered so its very important that the dom treats me right. I have been very lucky to not have any bad experiences there. It just keeps building until my mind is completely blank, when I finally cum… and boy is that orgasm great, my brain is left empty too. For a few hours after, I am devoid of noise inside my mind, I feel peaceful and relaxed and I guess highly vulnerable still to. But as I am usually in a very safe environment this is a really nice feeling. I cannot stress enough… this is why aftercare is so important! If I was to receive any negativity, neglect or abuse at that time I would have no mental defences in place to protect myself and it could really damage me. Thankfully the people skilled enough to get me there are good at all of it!
Does your fetish take place, apart from the sexual level, in your everyday life?
No not really. I like to keep things separate. I manage other people at work and I feel like I am often the one holding my family together. I couldn’t function in these roles if I was 100% submissive all the time.
However I have certainly been known to stealth rubber in public or wear something slyly at someone else command. This can be fun for short term. I really prefer to give everything or nothing though so whilst these games are fun as a part of something bigger I can get bored of it, for example, if it was coming from an overseas Dom that I don’t see regularly. This is why I don’t do chastity or key holding games. I need the human interaction to keep it fun and relevant otherwise it becomes a chore and not an escape.
Whilst I obviously love being forced into heavy bondage and ordered around, I also like to just cuddle on the couch and watch a movie. I want to be able to function in different arrays of social groups without my sexuality being the basis of who I am. I would also like to be an emotional and supportive anchor for my (imaginary) partner and I don’t know that would be possible if they always saw me as only their sub.
Life is too complex to be one thing all the time and I don’t want to be defined by my kink any more then being defined by sexuality, race, gender, age etc.
When you look at the community in general: what are the biggest problems within the kink community from your point of view?
I actually think that the kink community is pretty great and I don’t think there are too many issues with the community as a whole, although we definitely need to remember to treat each other with respect especially in the online community.
I understand that a lot of people are looking at this kind of content when they are horny and probably not thinking straight, but just take a moment before reaching out to someone. Don’t project your fantasy onto someone else. The amount of times I have been contacted for the first time with “Please Sir destroy my hole”… um, have you read my profile?? And on the other side is people that call me Bitch, Fag, Slut etc, without ever having spoken to me. A relationship needs to be established before diving right in with abusive language. There is a place for it, for sure, but with consent!!
The other major thing you hear about all the time, and has happened to me before too, is ghosting. You are under no obligation to do something you don’t want to do, and you are completely entitled to change your mind at the last minute. But it’s not hard to send a simple message telling the person. And don’t lie!! If you cancel last minute because err, my dog has a cold, you are going to anger the other person. If you message to say I am not coming because I’m too nervous, or I thought I wanted this but I’ve changed my mind… well that is fair and a lot easier to understand and forgive than a shitty excuse. Its really easy to get caught up in a conversation when talking about you kinks and wanting to enact them straight away… a week later that feeling may have subsided but that’s OK!! On the receiving end, don’t get too upset if someone cancels on you (provided they communicate it), they aren’t going to be around to feel guilty, you will just end up feeling worse.
Chris, thanks for this interview!
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